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| Today I found myself reminiscing about how we all interacted with nature as kids. I seem to have endless memories of me exploring the outdoors as a child. They aren't specific memories, but more like glimpses of how some things feel. It was brought on when I was passing a bunch of workers cutting down trees. I smelled the sap and my mind just started wandering. I wish all people would remain as curious as kids are. Here are some memories/feelings that might be trivial, but they are ones I hope I never forget.
-The smell of sap and the way it stuck to my hands. The way it was impossible to get off even after washing my hands with soap. It always attracted dirt and lint from my clothes.
-The way the cool earth felt on my bare hands. The sparkling of all the metals and minerals in the dirt.
-Watching ants do what they do. Wondering how they make the 'sand' to make their ant hole mounds. Finding a pebble and covering up the ant hole and seeing how they react.
-The different feel of tree trunks. Some trees felt soft, moist, and smooth. Other trees had bark that was addicting to snap off.
-Looking for four leaf clovers. After unsuccessful searches, I would take two three-leaf clovers and tear a petal off each one and put them together to make a four leaf one.
-I would pick a ton of white clover flowers and string them together to make ropes or loops.
-Chasing after fireflies to catch them with my bare hands. Wondering how they generate light. The 'smell' of fireflies (if you've ever caught one, you know what I'm talking about).
-Playing outside during the fall until the sun goes down, and feeling the day go from warm to cool.
-Lying face down in the snow and licking it or melting it with my breath.
-Rolling down hills and laughing.
-Holding a butterfly by pinching its wings together. Wondering why there was so much 'dust' on the wings.
-Searching for the perfect blade of grass to put between my thumbs to make a grass whistle.
I miss that feeling of discovery. I can always go out and revisit and discover some new things in nature, but how thrilling must it have been to see all these things for the first time as children?
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| This weekend, my parents finally decided to replace the 20-year-old family TV with a 50 inch LCD. Then they made me help them buy an X-Box 360 and Beatles Rockband. My mom also made fun of me for driving too slow. And now they want fancier phones.
What's going on here? I'm so confused.
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| In engineering, there are 3 methods of looking at systems.
1. Analytical: You start with the most basic equations. You derive more complicated ones. Even if the system is simple, the method can be quite tedious and complex. If the system is complicated, then you move onto method.
2. Simulation: You plug things into a simulation. You make many assumptions and the computer displays the results. You can check if your assumptions and the computer are correct by verifying it with method 3.
3. Experimentation: You build a system, try different things, and if it blows up, you can build a new system and try different things. This is my favorite method. It is the most physical. It is the most real. It is honest.
I know next to nothing about complicated systems like the economy or healthcare. But a system is a system. And these are very complex systems. They are too complicated for analysis or simulation. Experimenting is tricky...if it 'blows up' you can't simply build a new one. You can look at the past or at other countries, but the conversion isn't a simple scaling factor or transformation matrix.
So it annoys me when people 'know' for sure what will happen if we change a certain variable in the economy or healthcare. Sure, some people are more qualified to make predictions than others. But no one knows for sure what will happen until it is done.
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| Last night, I was up until 5 AM doing a homework assignment for my computational fluid dynamics class. I was stumped for a few hours on the very last problem. As an undergraduate, I would have given up after 15 minutes. Something has changed though. I surprised myself and powered through. I don't know if my solution is correct (it made sense to me), but I must say I'm proud of myself for persevering.
I guess something happened during my year off of school. I guess I'm more driven since I made the choice of quitting a mediocre job to go back to school for a job I will believe in.
But it's not just that. Since high school, I have tried to lose weight on several occasions. There were maybe 5-6 efforts during that time where I seriously stuck with a workout routine for a couple months, only to stop eventually. This past February, I started working out every day after work. Here I am, 7 months later, and 40 pounds lighter.
Where is this coming from?
I suppose it is more apparent to me that the things I do now will greatly affect the outcomes of the future. This is obvious to anyone, but how often do we pay this fact of life any attention? What made me start paying attention to this?
Perhaps after college, one eventually realizes that it's time to stop BSing around. This probably happened for me when I became completely financially independent from my parents (aside from them giving me food and board on weekends).
I am more driven in my classes because I know the skills I am learning are directly applicable to my future research as a student and an engineer. I live a healthier lifestyle because I saw that my reckless eating habits and sedentary lifestyle were shortening my very lifespan.
What else can I accomplish with this new mindset?
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| Since graduating from college, a good amount of my dreams have been rather disturbing. I blame it on the stress and uncertainty of trying to decide what to do for the rest of my life.
But last night, I remember waking up laughing several times because my dreams were so funny. I wish I could remember it.
I want to practice lucid dreaming - the type of dream where one is aware of being in a dream and can control the things in the dream to a certain extent.
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