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| It's final exam season. Thus I am updating Xanga.
I'm doing a final project for my computational fluid dynamics class. I literally have no idea what I'm doing. The project is worth 30% of my grade. At this point, I would be ecstatic for a 50% on this project.
On the other hand, my teacher has only given A's and B's (C is failing for grad school) over the 4 semesters he has taught the class. I'm thinking about calling it quits on the project and getting my sleep so I can study for the two exams I have later this week.
Right now, I'm pretty frustrated with grad school. My classmates seem to pick up everything so quickly, but I feel so left behind. I'm not as intelligent as the smarter kids, and I'm lazier than the hard-working ones. I also don't prioritize school as high as everyone else, nor do I feel like I should. Also, my research hasn't really started yet, but from what I've experienced so far, it isn't very exciting.
If I fail this class, I could be in danger of losing my assistantship, and my advisor would give me crap about it. If this actually happens, I don't think I would give the slightest hesitation to dropping grad school and finding a job again.
Maybe it's my lack of sleep contributing to my lack of judgement, but I honestly do not care about school right now.
I don't even know why I wanted to be an engineer so bad. It seems like I'm unhappy whenever I'm doing things that engineers are supposed to be doing.
Last year, I wasn't happy at my job. This year, I'm not happy at school. I don't know what to do. We shall see where the road leads. The good thing is that my parents aren't paying for school (I'm not even paying for school) so it feels like the stakes are lower, and I can literally do whatever I want with my life. | | |
| Why do engineering nerds all have the same voice?
It's that pinched, nasaly, annoying voice that I have to listen to all day.
It makes me wonder if I speak like that. | | |
| Today I found myself reminiscing about how we all interacted with nature as kids. I seem to have endless memories of me exploring the outdoors as a child. They aren't specific memories, but more like glimpses of how some things feel. It was brought on when I was passing a bunch of workers cutting down trees. I smelled the sap and my mind just started wandering. I wish all people would remain as curious as kids are. Here are some memories/feelings that might be trivial, but they are ones I hope I never forget.
-The smell of sap and the way it stuck to my hands. The way it was impossible to get off even after washing my hands with soap. It always attracted dirt and lint from my clothes.
-The way the cool earth felt on my bare hands. The sparkling of all the metals and minerals in the dirt.
-Watching ants do what they do. Wondering how they make the 'sand' to make their ant hole mounds. Finding a pebble and covering up the ant hole and seeing how they react.
-The different feel of tree trunks. Some trees felt soft, moist, and smooth. Other trees had bark that was addicting to snap off.
-Looking for four leaf clovers. After unsuccessful searches, I would take two three-leaf clovers and tear a petal off each one and put them together to make a four leaf one.
-I would pick a ton of white clover flowers and string them together to make ropes or loops.
-Chasing after fireflies to catch them with my bare hands. Wondering how they generate light. The 'smell' of fireflies (if you've ever caught one, you know what I'm talking about).
-Playing outside during the fall until the sun goes down, and feeling the day go from warm to cool.
-Lying face down in the snow and licking it or melting it with my breath.
-Rolling down hills and laughing.
-Holding a butterfly by pinching its wings together. Wondering why there was so much 'dust' on the wings.
-Searching for the perfect blade of grass to put between my thumbs to make a grass whistle.
I miss that feeling of discovery. I can always go out and revisit and discover some new things in nature, but how thrilling must it have been to see all these things for the first time as children?
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| This weekend, my parents finally decided to replace the 20-year-old family TV with a 50 inch LCD. Then they made me help them buy an X-Box 360 and Beatles Rockband. My mom also made fun of me for driving too slow. And now they want fancier phones.
What's going on here? I'm so confused.
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| In engineering, there are 3 methods of looking at systems.
1. Analytical: You start with the most basic equations. You derive more complicated ones. Even if the system is simple, the method can be quite tedious and complex. If the system is complicated, then you move onto method.
2. Simulation: You plug things into a simulation. You make many assumptions and the computer displays the results. You can check if your assumptions and the computer are correct by verifying it with method 3.
3. Experimentation: You build a system, try different things, and if it blows up, you can build a new system and try different things. This is my favorite method. It is the most physical. It is the most real. It is honest.
I know next to nothing about complicated systems like the economy or healthcare. But a system is a system. And these are very complex systems. They are too complicated for analysis or simulation. Experimenting is tricky...if it 'blows up' you can't simply build a new one. You can look at the past or at other countries, but the conversion isn't a simple scaling factor or transformation matrix.
So it annoys me when people 'know' for sure what will happen if we change a certain variable in the economy or healthcare. Sure, some people are more qualified to make predictions than others. But no one knows for sure what will happen until it is done.
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